April Foolish Advice

With tongue fully planted in cheek I offer the following weight loss advice:

1. Use that newly released secret recipe that the medical community is hiding so they all don't go broke. It results in excellent weight loss and improved health (as long as you take it at least three times per day after 60 minutes of vigorous exercise)

2. Eat less and exercise more. That's all it takes! (Actually this is somewhat true but often results in weight gain on a practical basis. People find it hard and give up because it is not as simple as it seems!)

3. Want to lose weight, go to bed earlier.(Also some truth in this! Getting less sleep is associated with weight gain, but an earlier bedtime is usually not sufficient to result in weight loss on it's own.)

4. When your doctor stops recommending rest and starts recommending diet and exercise, change doctors! (You may not lose weight but you will gain a co-dependant!)

5. You are a strong independent American and can do it on your own! Don't bother trying to get any help. (Actually 25% of people can lose 20 pounds on their own but most cannot keep it off.)

6. Join NASA, in outer space we are all nearly weightless!

7. Don't investigate any claims of pills or providers who promise miracles. After all, they wouldn't be allowed to say it if it wasn't true, right? (BTW, I have this bridge in Brooklyn you may be interested in....)

8. Wait for the weight to come off. It's bound to happen as soon as _____ (fill in in the blank) starts or stops. (BTW, about that bridge....)

9. Keep your tongue in your cheek. This will make chewing and swallowing impossible with resultant impressive weight loss.

10. Laugh it off. Actually some truth to this also. Stress is reduced by laughing, and you can at least lose that heavy mood!